A Burg Housewife After All
by TheDayDreamingWriter
Summary: What if Stephanie really WAS pregnant after she and Joe Morelli slept together in Four to Score?
1. Chapter 1

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS.

* * *

><p>This is set in the book Four to Score.<br>This is my first fan fic, so please be gentle! More chapters to come :)

* * *

><p><em>['Is this bounty hunter work?' Mary Elizabeth wanted to know. 'Are you hunting down a fugitive?'<br>_'_Sort of.'  
><em>'_It sounds exciting.'  
><em>'_It sounds like a sin against nature,' Grandma Bella said from the hallway, freshly risen from the guest bed. 'No kind of work from someone expecting.'  
><em>'_Grandma Bella,' I said. 'I'm really not expecting.'  
><em>'_A lot you know,' she said. 'I've been to the other side. I see these things. I got the eye.'] _Page 181, Four to Score by Janet Evanovitch.

Crap. Crap crap crap! I'm definitely pregnant. I know Morelli used protection, but Grandma Bella knows these things! Joe and I were sitting at his dining room table the morning after dinner with his family, drinking coffee.

"Steph?" Morelli pulled me out of my trance. "Don't worry about what Bella said. She's crazy. You're not pregnant cupcake." I smiled at Morelli.

"I know. I'm just thinking about… my FTAs." I lied. I rested my elbows on the table, with my chin in my hands.

"Ok, well I have to run, I'm already late. Though, we could go up to the bedroom, and test the rest of the condoms…" He winked at me.

"No! Go to work already." Yeesh. Was that all he thought about? I looked at him, and saw that his sharp brown eyes were quickly turning into bedroom eyes. Yes. That really was all he thought about. He lent over the table and gave me a quick kiss.

"I'll see you tonight. Want me to bring pizza home?"

"From Pino's?"

"Of course. Where else?"

"Sure. See you then." He turned and headed out the door. "Don't forget beer!" I shouted. He waved his hand to let me know he heard me. I checked him out through the window as he got into his car, and again thanked God that the bad Morelli genes had passed him by. He would make a good father one day. Then I realized what I was thinking and shook my head. What Bella had said had really gotten to me. The condoms Joe had were top of the line, but still... they could be defective, couldn't they? I had to call someone who had experience in pregnancy scares.

Half an hour later my best friend Mary Lou Stankovic was sitting across from me at Joe's dining room table.

"You and Morelli have been in the making for your whole lives. So what if you're pregnant, just marry him!" Mary Lou was in one of her pro-family moods. I really couldn't take her advice when she was like this. But she was the best I had.

"We used protection and everything, but still. What Bella said has me freaking out. I'm not ready to be a mother! And what about Rex? He doesn't want a brother or sister!" Ok, so I was rambling a little, but really. I'm not exactly mother material at this point in my life. I'm chasing down murdering rapists every other week!

"Well, seeing as your pregnant Steph, you should probably give up chasing skips. Working for Vinnie was only meant to be temporary anyway." Mary Lou said in a matter of fact voice.

"Seeing as I'm pregnant? This is only based on what crazy Grandma Bella said! It's not fact!" I said desperately. Hearing Mary Lou talk in that voice made it sound so definite.

"Why don't I just get a pregnancy test and find out once and for all?" I suggested.

"Sounds good, but are you late yet?"

"Well, no, why?"

"The test won't work unless you're late. But if I were you, I would take Bella's vision as proof enough." Mary Lou said. She looked at her watch. "I have to go; I promised the girl who's babysitting the kids that I wouldn't be long. They've been a bit of a hand full lately." That would be an understatement. Mary Lou's kids were hell on babysitters.

"Sure. Thanks for coming over." I said.

"Anytime. When you decide on a name, let me know." She said as she breezed out the door. I shook my head, and mentally added up the days. I was due in a week, so I would know then if Bella was right, or if she was just insane.

Morelli bought the Pino's pizza and beer as promised, but when he tried to get me up to the bedroom, I declined, saying I was tired. I just couldn't, not knowing if I was carrying his child or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Morelli bought the Pino's pizza and beer as promised, but when he tried to get me up to the bedroom, I declined, saying I was tired. I just couldn't, not knowing if I was carrying his child or not.

I walked into the office the next morning and flopped on the dirty couch.

"Who we going after today? I'm in a real ass kicking mood." Lula announced. Today she was dressed in a tiny black spandex miniskirt, and a hot pink tee shirt that was made for a woman smaller than myself, let alone smaller than Lula. I got my paperwork from my pocketbook and thumbed through it.

"We've got a couple options, which all have to be caught this week. All chump change though." I looked at Lula. "How do you want to do this? Alphabetical order? Or just what we feel like at the time?"

"Let's do a fun one first. Like, do you still have the domestic violence guy? We should go get him first."

"Sure do. Lenny Willkie. 37 years old, lives on Stark Street. Came home drunk one time too many, and his girlfriend tried to leave him. He hit her, she pressed charges. Same ol' same ol' really."

We took Lula's Firebird for the take down. We made our way over to Stark, mentally prepping ourselves for the confrontation. We parked outside Willkie's house, neither of us moving.

"Well, no time like the present." I said, getting out of the car. Lula followed me.

"I'm guessing I take the back door?" Lula said.

"Yeah, that would be good. That piece of junk car in front of the Firebird is probably Willkie's. He might try to run for it." Lula moved around the back of the small run down house. I gave her thirty seconds to get into position, and then knocked on the door.

"Bond Enforcement! Lenny Willkie, open the door!" I didn't expect him to open to me, so I was surprised when he did, and held his arms out to be cuffed. The shock must have registered on my face because he laughed a little.

"I bet not many skips do this huh?" he said. "Well, I guess there's a first time for anything."

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but why?" I asked, still incredulous.

"I'm trying to turn my life around, starting today. I'm gonna follow the law, and treat my girlfriend, Louise, right. So I'm going to go to court to show her I'm a changed man."

"Um, ok then. Well." I slapped the cuffs on him, just as Lula came around the corner of the house.

"Why you taking so long getting in there?" She took in the scene in front of her. "Shit. You left me out of the take down? Just when I was in an ass kicking mood, you don't even include me in the ass kicking? Well. How do you like that in a partner. You know, I got half a mind to-" Lula was getting ready to go into a full rant, when I interrupted.

"Lula! He gave himself up. I knocked on the door, and he opened to me and just gave himself up."

"I did." Put in Willkie, looking slightly scared by Lula's outburst.

"Huh." Lula said. We bundled Willkie into the car, and took him down to the police station. I collected my body receipt and Lula and I went back to the office to have Connie write our checks.

Shit. Shit shit shit! I'm late. I'm freaking late! Only by a day, but still. I haven't told Morelli. Realistically, it's not worth worrying over yet, but I'm not thinking realistically. I'm thinking about what Grandma Bella said a week ago. Ok, I reasoned with myself. If it still isn't here tomorrow, I'll get a test. Probably it's just from stress. I'm not pregnant. Just stressed. I hope. Still. I can't exactly sit here waiting for tomorrow can I? Lula and I are up to date with our skips, (something that doesn't happen very often, I know) so there's no reason for me to go out today. Good deal, I thought. So I spent the whole day at Morelli's house, watching crappy daytime TV, eating cake and ice cream. Oh happy days.


	3. Chapter 3

Ohmigod, I thought. It's still not here! I blew out a sigh. I guess that officially makes today pregnancy test day. I called Mary Lou again, and told her to get her ass over here pronto. I paced until I heard a car horn blow outside. I looked out the window, and saw Mary Lou. I ran out to her car, locking the house behind me.

"Your late aren't you," Mary Lou said as I got into the passenger side of her car. "I can see it in your face. You're pregnant! Omigod, you're totally knocked up!" She lent over in the car and hugged me.

"Let's just get the test and check before we start celebrating." I said. The weird thing was, Mary Lou's excitement was sort of rubbing off on me. Which was totally ridiculous of course. This is not the right time in my life to be a mother!

We drove to the nearest chemist, and Mary Lou went inside and got two tests for me. Less scandal that way we decided.

"Ok, these are the two brands I always use, and they've always been right so far." She said, handing the chemist bag to me. I opened it, and started hyperventilating.

"Breathe," Mary Lou said. "You'll be fine Steph, no matter what the tests say." I just nodded my head, and worked on my breathing.

In Morelli's house, Mary Lou was sitting at the dining room table, watching me as I tried to drink as much OJ as I could. According to Mary Lou, it would make me pee like a, well, pregnant woman.

"How's it going?" She asked. "Need to go yet?"

"Yep. Throw me the first test." Deep breaths. I can do this. I caught the test, and walked to the bathroom. I had read the instructions about twelve times, so I was confidant I was doing it right.

"Three minutes!" Mary Lou shouted through the door. "What's the verdict? Little negative sign for not pregnant or positive sign for bun in the oven?" I couldn't answer. The words caught in my throat. I shook the stick, and checked the screen. I shook it again. No no no, not the symbol I was looking for!

"Throw the other test in. This one must have been defective." I said in a throaty voice. Mary Lou passed the second test in, wisely not saying anything. Thanks to all the orange juice, I already had to pee again.

"Time three minutes for me?" I called to Mary Lou.

"Sure, start now?" she asked.

"Yep. Start now." I replied. Finally the longest three minutes of my life were over.

"That's three minutes Steph." Silence. She opened the door a crack. "Steph? Holy shit, you're white as a ghost." I couldn't speak. I just showed her the little screen.

"Oh. My. God." She whispered. I nodded, and looked back at the screen. I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and shook my head. But when I looked again, the screen was still taken up by that little plus sign that had changed my life.

I have to tell Morelli. But my God, I have no idea how to. Do I go for the direct approach? Hey Joe, I'm preggers! It's yours! Or beat around the bush until he guesses it for himself? Or just not tell him at all. Probably he'd figure it out when I gained 20 pounds. Or just tell me I was getting fat. I blew out a sigh. No easy way to do this, I thought. Just get in there and tell him. And my parents! If it is in my destiny to die as a bounty hunter, let it be before I have to tell my mum, I prayed.

Ok. How do I actually feel about this? Stop all defensive sarcasm and bravado. I'm having a child. I'm going to be a mother. Holy crap. I looked down at my stomach. I poked it. There is a little person growing inside there. Probably it looks like a sea monkey right now, but still. It's _my_ sea monkey. All of a sudden all the maternal feelings my body had been saving up hit me at once. I loved the sea monkey. I wanted to decorate a nursery. I wanted to shop for itty bitty baby clothes. And I wanted it _bad_.

I shook my head. Joe needs to know about his child before I change his guest room into a nursery. Though, that may be a good way to tell him… No! Tonight. I'll tell him tonight.

I was sitting on the couch, watching TV when Morelli came home. Just tell him, I thought. Just get up, and tell him now. But apparently, Morelli had a talk of his own to give to me.

"Steph?" He called as he walked in the door. "Steph we have to talk." He sounded stressed.

"I'm in the lounge room." I answered calmly. But I was thinking, crap! What does he want to talk about? He knows! Mary Lou told him. Or, Omigod. He's breaking up with me! He has cancer. He's actually gay. I shook my head. I know he's not gay. I'm just… working myself up.

Morelli sat down on the couch next to me, and looked me in the eye.

"Steph. Is something wrong?" My heart spluttered and my mouth went dry. He knew! "Because," he continued, "We slept together a week and a half ago, and you've hardly looked at me since. So what's up? You have secret boyfriend hidden away somewhere? Is it Ranger?" His eyes narrowed as he said Rangers name. "Well?" he demanded.

"I, uh, huh?" I stuttered. I looked at him. He was actually serious. I sighed. I guess if there is ever a time to break the news to him, it was now. "Joe… I don't have a secret boyfriend. But, there is something you need to know…"


	4. Chapter 4

"Ok," Morelli said hesitantly. He looked at me with wary eyes. "This looks serious."

"It is… Look, I don't know the best way to tell you this so I'm just going to come out with it. Joe, I'm pregnant. It's yours." It was one of the few times I have ever seen Morelli literally speechless. He just looked at me, wide eyed.

"Pregnant?" He said. "Mine?" I nodded. "You're sure?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry Joe." I said, and the water works started. Morelli looked surprised, and gathered me in his arms and held me close, while I cried it all out. We sat on the couch like that for a while, listening to each other breathe. He took my face in his hands and tilted my head up to look at him. My eyes filled with tears again.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, confused.

"Because," I sniffed. "I've practically ruined your life. You obviously didn't want to be a father this early. And I wasn't planning on becoming a mother anytime soon. And what will I tell my p-p-parents?" I wailed, leaning my head into his chest again. Morelli promptly grabbed my shoulders and held me at arms distance from himself.

"Listen here, Cupcake. You have _not _ruined my life. Sure, I didn't plan on a child right now, but I _will _deal with this. And you would have had a child one day right?" I sniffed and shrugged. "Well, it's just a little earlier than you would have liked. And _I_ will tell your parents, if you want." I stopped crying and looked at him. I was touched that he would do that for me.

"Truth is Steph… I love you. In a way, I always have. It's sad that it took an event like this to make me realize it though." He brushed my hair off my face and kissed my forehead. "Now come on. Let's go to bed. All that crying would have worn you out." He was right. I'm always tired after a crying jag.

"Ok," I agreed.

"I've never slept with a pregnant woman before." He said, and winked at me as he went upstairs to the bedroom.

"Well," I said, "There's a first time for everything."

I woke up late the next morning, and noticed that Joe was still in bed with me. Seeing as I'm no fool, I took full advantage of that, and snuggled up close to his warm body. He squeezed me and kissed the top of my head.

"Good morning Cupcake." He said, his voice husky from sleep. I tipped my head up, and kissed him.

"Morning. Shouldn't you have been at work, like, two hours ago?" I asked, glancing at the clock.

"I took the day off. I figured we had things to talk about." He looked meaningfully at my stomach. I sighed.

"I guess we do." I got out of bed and made my way to the shower. I did the hair and makeup thing, and went downstairs, following the smell of coffee. Morelli poured me a cup, and I sat down next to him at the dining table.

"What's the plan for today?" I asked.

"Well, I thought we could talk this morning." I looked at him.

"We talked last night."

"I mean talk Steph. Really talk. And then I made you a doctor's appointment for this afternoon." He looked up from his coffee cup at me. "Are you ok with that?" I smiled at him. Who knew big bad Joe Morelli could be so sweet?

"Yeah. I've been thinking about seeing a doctor. Thanks for making the appointment for me."

"Anytime Cupcake." Morelli ruffled my hair and went upstairs to shower. I sighed. I wasn't really looking forward to this talk with Morelli. I counted back, and figured I would have to be about five weeks along. Wow. I looked down at my stomach. I wondered how the little sea monkey was doing in there. I looked up as Morelli came downstairs.

"Now, about that talk, Cupcake…"


	5. Chapter 5

We walked into the lounge and sat on the couch.

"First things first. Your parents need to know." Morelli said.

"I know. But how am I going to tell mother that I'm having a baby. Without a husband. Hell, without a fiancé!" Morelli gave a small laugh at the panicked expression on my face.

"Cupcake, its fine. We'll talk to them together. Besides, that kind of brings me to my next point…" My heart rate sped up to about stroke level. Oh god, if he's asking what I think he's going to ask…

"Steph," Morelli faced me, and took my hands in his. "Steph, I know I may have had a bad reputation when I was younger," I raised my eyebrow at him. "Ok. I know I _did _have a bad reputation, but I like to think that I'm thought of as a respectable person now. And I intend to give my respectable reputation to you and the baby. So, Steph, marry me. You'll be happy, I swear. I will you give financial stability, and the baby will have a last name."

"Joe, I am not marrying you." I gave him a disgusted look. "I am not going to marry for… for… convenience! I _will _marry for love, and I will marry when I'm damn good and ready." I got up and stormed off to the bedroom, and locked myself in. The nerve of him!

"Steph," Morelli shouted through the door, after following me upstairs. "Steph, that's not what I meant, and you know it!"

"You're scum, Morelli, scum!" I shouted back. I heard him mutter something in Italian.

"Fine! I'm going for a drive. Be back in an hour." He stomped down the stairs, and I heard the front door slam shut. Ugh. I thunked my head on the wall. I knew that wasn't what he meant. This had to be difficult for him too. I blew out a sigh. When he came back, we can try it again. I went downstairs and prowled through the fridge. Booyeah! I hit the jackpot with half a cake that Joe bought home yesterday. I sat down and ate that for lunch. I heard the key in the door and Morelli walked in.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey."

"Take two?" He grinned at me. I laughed.

"Sure. Take two." We walked on into the lounge, and sat on the couch again. "Déjà vu" I muttered.

"Steph, forget everything I said. I just… I was trying to distance myself. To tell you the truth, I'm stoked. I think a mini you or a mini me would be great. I just didn't want to freak you out with diving head first into this family stuff. Cupcake, I do love you. Really. And knowing us, we probably would have gotten married one day. Steph, this time, I'm not telling you, I'm asking you. Will you marry me?" Morelli got off the couch, and knelt on one knee in front of me. He took my left hand, and pulled out one of those jewelry boxes, the kind that holds rings. I drew in breath. I expected a proposal, but not a ring! Morelli opened the box, and pulled out its contents. I don't know what I was expecting, but that sure as hell wasn't it. Maybe a small diamond or something like that. But what Morelli took out of the box didn't have any diamonds, or jewels of any kind. It was made of licorice. I had to laugh at that one. Trust Morelli. He slipped it onto my left ring hand, and looked up at me and grinned.

"I guess I have to give you points for originality." I said, smiling back at him.

"Of course you do. How many men would love you enough to propose with a licorice ring? Plus I have a cake sitting in the car." He winked at me.

"You're lying. There's no cake." I said.

"There could be. But back to the subject at hand, Cupcake…"

"Sorry?" I asked. I was still caught up with the thought of cake.

"I just asked you to marry me. And I don't have an answer."

"Oh, duh." I smacked myself in the head. "Well, my answer is… Yes." When I was younger, in between my fantasies about being Wonder Woman, or a rock star, I went through a stage where I wanted to marry Prince Charming. So I had dreamed up long, flowery proposal acceptance speeches that seemed incredibly romantic when I was twelve, but at 30, just seemed corny. And I figured Joe would be happy with a simple yes anyway.

Morelli stood up and pulled me up with him. He pulled me in close, and hugged me tight, before picking me up and swinging me around. When he set me on my feet again, the room was still spinning slightly, but I still had my balance. Mostly.

"Ok. I'm going out to get some food. You want cake?"

"I just ate half a cake."

"So that's a…?" I gave him a look.

"Yes. Of course I want cake" He kissed me, grabbed the car keys, and left, leaving me to my thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

I heard the door close after Morelli, and I flopped back onto the couch. I looked at the licorice ring on my finger. Engaged. Holy crap. To Morelli. Holy crap! What am I thinking? I don't want to get married! I don't want a baby! Wait, back up. I put my hand on my stomach, and smiled a little. I think I do want a baby. Not just any baby, mine and Morelli's baby. Our little sea monkey. That thought made me smile again, bigger this time. I looked at the ring again. I wonder if Morelli would be offended if I ate it, I thought. While I was on the couch I took a nap, for lack of something better to do, and woke up to the sound of Morelli coming inside.

"Wake-y wake-y, I have cake-y." He sing-songed. I opened my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. I got off the couch and walked to the dining table. I sniffed.

"Meatball subs from Pino's?" I asked, recognizing the heavenly smell.

"You betcha. Don't say I've never bought you a nice meal." He pulled the subs out from a bag, and placed them on the table. I explored in the other bag. I pulled out a six pack of cans of cola.

"Cola? Where's the beer?" I asked.

"No beer for you," Morelli said, shaking his finger at me. "It's no good for the baby." Duh. I'm such a numbskull.

"Right. What about you though? You're not pregnant."

"No shit Cupcake. I just thought, outta sight outta mind. Now, I'm starving. Let's eat."

I woke up the next morning, and the first thing I noticed was that Morelli was still in bed, again. Uh. He took another day off. If he keeps this up, he won't have a job to take days off from.

"Home again? What are we doing today?" I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him.

"Well, today I thought we would spread the good news. If you're ready to tell people, that is." He got up and started to get dressed.

"I guess we should. They would probably guess when I gain 20 pounds anyway." I blew out a sigh. I was not looking forward to telling my mom. But then another, much scarier thought struck me.

"OMIGOD!" I sat straight up in bed. "Joe, what about Grandma Bella?"

"What about her? We'll tell her, just like everyone else." Uh. He's so clueless sometimes.

"No you fool. She _said _I was pregnant, remember? She had a vision, and told me I was pregnant!" I buried my face in a pillow. "She is going to be impossible when she finds out she was right!" Morelli, being the heartless person he is, just laughed.

"Cupcake, she's been right about things like this before. By the time the baby is born, she'll be over it. Probably."

"Nine months?" I exclaimed, my voice dangerously close to being whiney. "I can't live with that for _nine months_!"

"Come on. Yes you can. After you have a shower, I thought we could go to the jewelry district. Maybe replace that licorice ring with something that will last longer?" Probably that was a good idea, seeing as I'd eaten the ring last night.

"Ok. But then we're going straight to my parents' house. It's Sunday, and Mom should be home with doughnuts by the time we get there." That provided more than enough motivation for me to get out of the warm comfy bed and shower. I got dressed in jeans, and a stretchy tee shirt, but decided that they weren't really pregnant clothes. So I changed into a swirly skirt that came to my knees and a singlet top that was fitted around my chest, but loose around my stomach. There. Much better. I did my makeup and hair, and was ready to go. I went downstairs where I could smell Morelli was brewing coffee. He looked at me and took in what I was wearing.

"Pretty." He said, handing me a cup of coffee.

"It's not too much?" I asked. "I thought jeans and a shirt was a bit too casual." He got up and walked over to me.

"You look good," he said, kissing me on top of my head. "When you finish your coffee, we'll go. God forbid we miss out on doughnuts at your parents place." I drained the rest of my cup, and rinsed it and put it on the sink.

"Ok, let's go. I'm ready as I'll ever be."

Morelli drove us out to the jewelry district, and parked on the street. We got out and went into the first store. I'd like to say that I am one of those people who found the perfect ring in the first store they visited, but I'm not. Morelli and I went from jeweler to jeweler, me getting more and more impatient and annoyed, Morelli getting more and more loving and excited. By the time we actually found the ring, he was voicing ideas for the wedding. The ring was in a tiny hole in the wall store that looked like it had been there for about a hundred years. The air inside was musty, and all the jewelry looked to be antiques. My ring was towards the back of the store, proudly on display on a dark red velvet cushion.

"Joe, what about this one?" I said, pointing towards it. He let out a low whistle.

"I like it. It's very you."

"Old?"

"Beautiful." He motioned to the store attendant that we wanted to look at the ring closer. The short balding man took the ring from the case, and handed it to Morelli. It was a gorgeous deep blue sapphire, between two smaller princess cut diamonds set into an old fashioned gold band. The stones sparkled at any angle, and the effect of it took my breath away. Morelli slipped it onto the finger that used to have the licorice ring on it, and looked at me. It was a perfect fit. I couldn't take my eyes off the ring. It was perfect. Morelli saw the expression on my face, and looked up at the store attendant.

"I think we'll take it."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Note: **_Sorry this chapter took so long, my laptop has been at the doctors :/

"You're biting your nails. You've never been a nail biter." Morelli said in the car on our way over to my parents.

"Yeah, well, I've never been this nervous." And besides, I could examine my beautiful ring more closely if my hands were this close to my face.  
>"Cupcake, relax. You're respectfully engaged, you have the ring, and if it's the shotgun type wedding you're worried about, we can always tell people the baby was premature." I shot him a glace out of the corner of my eye. He was clueless. "Besides, my mother had a bit of a rush job wedding herself," he winked at me. "It's us Morelli's. Italian stallions, all of us." I gave him a shot to the shoulder.<p>

"It's not your Italian stallion-ism, its defective birth control. Don't go getting a big head." We dove on it silence for a while, until we turned into my parents street. "Oh God." Morelli pulled into the driveway and held my hands in his.

"You'll be fine. _We_ will be fine." He bought my hand up to his mouth and kissed the inside of my palm. "Come on. I can see your Grandmother looking at us through the window. If we take any longer she'll be out here to see what's going on herself."

"Look here Helen, Stephanie and Joe are here." Grandma Mazur called into the kitchen. My mom came out of the kitchen, and the scent of pot roast, mashed potato, green beans and gravy wafted out after her.

"Helen, Edna, would you like to join me at the table?" Joe said, moving towards the table. "You get your dad from the living room," he said under his breath to me. "And bring him out here too. If you try to sneak out, I will hunt you down."

"Would I do something like that?" I said with an insulted look on my face. Damn if the man didn't know me. That was exactly what I was planning on doing.

When my father and I joined everyone at the table, Joe was commenting on the weather.

"Ok, I may be old, but I'm no dummy. What's going on here? You two are acting awfully suspicious." Grandma said, eyeing us both off. I'd been hiding my ring behind my other hand since we walked in, so I was sure no one knew what we were here for. Yet.

"Your right Edna, we do have a reason for visiting today." We both took a deep breath, and Morelli grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Stephanie and I are engaged." I put my left hand up on the table to show every one my ring. "But that's not all. We're also expecting a baby." Joe was grinning wider than I had ever seen. Boy, he was really looking forward to this baby. Yeah well, let him get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper.  
>"Engaged! Thank goodness! And a <em>baby!<em>" My mother burst into happy tears.

"Congratulations." Said my dad in a gruff voice he used when he got emotional.

"That's a pip of a ring," Grandma said, leaning in for a closer look. I smiled. This wasn't so bad after all. There was kissing and hugging all round, before my mom handed me a bag of cookies, and we left for Joe's parents' house. I ate a couple cookies on the way, and was feeling pretty sedated, thinking I could face anything, even Grandma Bella. Well, maybe not Grandma Bella. Need a couple more cookies for that. Morelli parked on the street in front of the house, got out and opened my door for me. We walked up the path and Mrs Morelli met us at the door.

"Joseph! Stephanie! Come in, come in. Such a nice surprise." She bustled into the kitchen and bought out coffee cake, cupcakes, and fresh brewed coffee.

"Mom, call down Grandma Bella." He and I sat at the table. "She's going to want to hear this." Morelli turned his head and grinned at me. I groaned. I would never hear the end of this from Grandma Bella. _Ever._ Bella walked down the stairs.

"No need to call me. I knew you were coming. I know these things. I got the eye." She looked at me, and looked down at my stomach. She gave me a small, knowing smile. "Come sit at the table." She gestured to where Mrs Morelli was setting out the food.

"Mum, Grandma Bella, Steph and I have an announcement…"


	8. Chapter 8

This was it. I was totally done for. Put a fork in me, I'm done. Once Grandma Bella found out she was right, life would not be worth living.

"I know Steph and I haven't really been seeing each other for very long, but…" I put my left hand up on the table, and let them get an eye full of the ring.

"Engaged?" Mrs Morelli breathed. "My Joseph is engaged!" She jumped up and hugged Joe, then me. Much better than I expected. Then again, Grandma Bella hadn't spoken yet. Joe was still a little on the defensive though.

"Steph and I feel that this is the right choice for us, and that we're ready for it." Grandma Bella slapped the back of his head.

"Don't lie to me. I know why you two get engaged now." Her eyes shined manically, and she looked at my stomach. "I got the eye, you know."

"What on earth are you talking about Bella?" Joe's mother looked at her, then at Joe and me.

"Uh, we have another little announcement Mom… Steph is pregnant. We're having a baby." _Crash._ Mrs Morelli fell to the floor in a faint. Crap. Joe was by her side in an instant, waving his hand in front of her face. Bella just rolled her eyes, muttered something that sounded like 'weak,' and dumped a glass of iced tea on Mrs Morelli's face. She came to, spluttering and coughing, and eyed Grandma Bella.

"That really wasn't necessary, Bella." She said, as she moped herself up with a handful of paper serviettes. The old lady muttered something in Italian, and turned back to us.

"What did I say? I say you were pregnant, didn't I? Well, maybe now you listen to me in the future." Bella sat down and poured herself an iced tea. I glanced at Joe. Was that it? I'd been stressing about telling her, and this is all she says? Bella just sat there, sipping iced tea, watching Mrs Morelli mop herself up.

"Is it a boy or a girl? When are you due? When's the wedding? We have to get organized! I'll call Helen, and we can book the hall, get a caterer…" Mrs Morelli rushed around the room, still dripping iced tea, getting a phone book and the phone, writing down dates and people to invite.

"Ma! Calm down! Steph and I can arrange everything. Besides, we only _just _got engaged." Bella smacked him across the head.

"Stupid boy. You gotta get these things organized early! Get out invitations, not to mention a baby shower as well. Anyway, Stephanie doesn't want to have to wear a wedding dress that hides a baby bump." Uh, don't I? I looked nervously at Joe, who just grinned, letting me know that I was on my own.

"She wants a dress like a princess, with a long train and a veil." Mrs Morelli said, her eyes going misty.

"Yeah, not a wedding like yours," Bella said to her. "Organized in an hour, 10 people present, you wearing a white muumuu. Only thing that we could get to fit you at that time."

"Bella! It wasn't like that! And it wasn't a muumuu… It was a real wedding dress."

"It's true," Bella said, looking at us. "Drove her to the maternity ward 15 minutes after the ceremony finished. Talk about cutting it fine." Neither Joe nor I knew exactly what to say to that, so we got up.

"Grandma Bella, Ma, thanks for the help, but we've got things to do. We'll see you soon." Joe kissed the two women on the cheek, and we left. As we drove away, I had a terrible thought.

"Omigod. I just thought of something." I said, my face pale. "If I marry you, Grandma Bella will be _family_!" Morelli laughed.

"Could be worse. She could move in with us." He turned to face me, and burst out laughing at my horrified expression.

We arrived home, and Joe unlocked the door and we went in. Almost immediately the phone rang. I answered it.

"Hello, Joe Morelli's house, Steph speaking." Morelli laughed and told me I sounded like a receptionist. So I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Stephanie, its Bella. I had a vision." Oh crap. I silently prayed that she wouldn't say I was having twins.

"Sure Bella, what was it?"

"It's about the baby. The due date is in late November. Not sure of the date yet. And the sex is-"

"Bella! Thanks for the heads up, but I don't think we want to know the sex yet."

"Huh. Fine. Ingrates." And she hung up. I put the receiver back and walked over to Joe in the kitchen.

"Apparently it's due in late November." I said conversationally as I prowled through the fridge. I'm positive there was cake in here somewhere…

"Good to know. She try to tell you the sex did she?" I pulled out a package wrapped in tin foil. Bingo.

"Yep. Told her we didn't want to know yet." I fished a fork out of the silverware draw and dug in.

"That's what you're having for dinner?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yep. Got a problem with it?"

"Hell no. Eat what you like. Cravings and all that." He took a frozen meal out of the freezer and nuked it.

"Am I gonna have to learn to cook?" I asked, looking at our plates.

"Only if you want." He smiled. Hell. Even Joe Morelli had a sweet side. We ate in silence, and then moved towards the TV. We watched it for an hour before we both fell asleep on the couch.


	9. Chapter 9

I was woken up by the smell of pancakes. I sat up, rubbing my neck, which was sore from sleeping on the couch all night.

"Morning cupcake." Morelli said. "Want some?" He asked, holding up a plate.

"Yes please." I walked upstairs to the bathroom and checked myself out in the mirror. Eek. I wrestled with my hair for a minute, before giving it up as a lost cause. Joe was already at the table, working his way through a stack of pancakes. I sat down with a plate next to him.

"So, did you want to tell Connie and Lula the news today?"

"I should. Lula will never speak to me again if I don't tell her soon." He laughed.

"Well, I have to go to work soon; I called in late so I could see you before I left."

"Thanks. I'll shower and go over to the office." Damn these pancakes are good. "Did you cook these?" I asked.

"Of course I did!" He pretended to be offended that I would doubt his cooking. "No, my mother dropped them off this morning. She said you have to keep your strength up." He grinned and said "I expect lots of little Italian ladies will be dropping off food as the news gets around."

"Hey, I'm not complaining." Joe laughed and ruffled my hair as he walked past me upstairs. I finished breakfast and followed him upstairs. I put on jeans and a loose fitting top, brushed my teeth, and had another crack at my hair and makeup. I met Morelli downstairs.

"I'll be home late tonight. Don't wait up. Love you." He kissed me and left. I grabbed my pocketbook and a jacket and followed him out. I jumped in Big Blue and made my way towards the Bonds Office. I parked around the back, and inspected my figure in the reflection of the car window. I was just over one month pregnant, but was already paranoid about it showing. I sucked in my stomach. Uh, bad idea. Too full of pancakes. I let it back out. I fixed my hair, and went into the office.

"Well, look who's here," Lula said as she saw me. "Haven't seen you for a few days." Lula was in a bright red tube top, yellow skirt that hung about two inches below her doodah, and poison green high heeled shoes. She noticed me inspecting her outfit.

"Its road safety week or some shit, and I'm showin' my support. Red, yellow, green. Like a traffic light, get it?" Well, she could certainly stop traffic in that get up.

"Hey Steph. You want your skips? They've piled up a bit, sorry." She held out a stack of files for me to take.

"Uh, actually Connie… I don't think I can do skip tracing anymore." She and Lula just stared at me.

"Come again?" Lula said.

"I'm really sorry. But, I kind of have an announcement…" Right at that point Lula's eyes zeroed in on the ring on my left hand.

"You're shitting me! You're putting me on." She turned to Connie. "She's engaged! To, to… Hey, who _are _you engaged to?"

"Morelli. And um, that's not all. I'm also kind of, well, pregnant."

"No shit? Ain't that just your luck, first time you get laid in how long, and you end up pregnant."  
>"Lula! Congrats Steph." She came around the desk and gave me a hug.<p>

"Yeah, I was gettin' to that bit. Congratulations!" Lula gave me a hug too, her skirt riding dangerously high.

"Thanks. Connie, I guess I can still do pickups or something, but I'm pretty sure my days of rolling on the ground with skips are over. Or I could do filing? That was the original plan."

"Filing? And just what would I do then?" Lula asked, hands on hips.

"Lula, you _never _file. Besides, this means you'll have to step up to skip tracing. In the mood for a promotion?"  
>"Damn skippy. A promotion. Lula's movin' up in the world!" She stood up straighter. "I'm gonna have to get a whole new wardrobe. I gotta start dressing like a real badass. Like Ranger. That man is <em>fine<em>. I need more black, big boots, and maybe a gun holster on my belt." I rolled my eyes.

"Lula, you're a recovery agent, not a cowboy."

"Huh. Maybe not the gun holster then. But I definitely need some more black. Not my most flattering colour, but I look good in about everything." She grinned at me. "You gotta come shopping with me. This here's an emergency. I gotta get my new look going before I start pullin' in scum bags." I looked at my watch. Nothing else to do today anyway.

"Sure, why not. Do you want to take your car, or mine."  
>"Depends. What are you driving?"<br>"Big Blue."  
>"We're takin' the Firebird."<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Almost 3 hours later, Lula and I arrived back at the Bonds Office. I had a new top (bought one size too big, so I could still wear it when I start showing) and a pair of jeans. Lula had 6 pairs of black spandex pants in varying styles, 3 black faux leather skirts, 9 black tops that showed way too much cleavage, and a black dress. Plus the 4 pairs of black shoes (two pairs of boots, and two pairs of Via Spigas).

"Well, I think that was a success." Lula said, struggling to get out of the car without flashing everyone on Hamilton Avenue.

"Uh huh," I said absently. Lula worked herself out of the car, and looked at me.

"You look all distracted. What's the matter?" She passed me my shopping bag from the back seat.

"Just thinking… About Ranger." Lula straightened up.

"Uh oh. You better not be doin' too much thinking about him. You already got a baby daddy. You don't be needin' anything from Ranger." She walked with me too Big Blue to put my shopping in the car.

"I know." I sighed. "I should tell him though. We're friends. Friends tell each other when their pregnant." We made our way back to the office, collapsing on the couch.

"What are you two talking about?" Connie asked, looking up at us from behind her desk.

"Steph wants to tell Ranger she's pregnant." Lula gave Connie a knowing look.

"Hmm. That's a tough one. You're pregnant and engaged now. We all know Ranger doesn't have a problem taking things that aren't his, and he _does _have a thing for you. So he could either jump your bones, or back off completely."  
>"Gee, thanks. That narrows down the possible reactions." I said sarcastically. Problem was, there was a teeny tiny part of my brain that didn't want him to back off at all. But of course, the Catholic in me was screaming to leave well enough alone, marry Morelli, and learn how to cook pot roast. Uh. I needed a donut.<p>

"I'm going to Tasty Pastry. Anyone want anything?" I said, standing to leave.

"A couple of cannolis please." Connie said.

"Ooh. I'm between diets now, so… A boston cream, a jam donut, one with sprinkles on it, one… Hell, I'll just come with you." So Lula and I drove to Tasty Pastry. I got Connie's cannolis, and a boston cream for me. Lula bought half the donuts they had in stock.

"Having an office party?" The lady behind the counter asked Lula.

"Nuh. This is just my afternoon snack. I've gotta keep up my energy, on account of I'm a bounty hunter now, and I have to have energy to chase down the bad guys." The lady's eyes widened.

"Oh." She said, and quickly gave Lula her change.

"She didn't seem too impressed with my occupation." Lula complained as we drove back.

"Yeah, the job is kind of lacking in glamour."  
>"That sounded sarcastic. You better watch that, or you'll be passing on all sorts of bad habits to the baby."<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

We pulled up at the bonds office, where a familiar black Porsche was parked.

"Looks like Ranger's here. Guess you'll get to tell him after all." I grabbed the donuts and did a few calming breathing exercises as we crossed the road and went inside. Ranger was at the desk with his back to us looking over a file. Lula went to the couch and sat down, working her way through the bag of donuts. I walked over to the desk and passed Connie her bag. I turned back to set on the couch with Lula, when I felt a hand on the small of my back.

"Can I have a word?" Ranger asked, leading me outside.

"Sure." Didn't look like I had a choice anyway. We walked out and around his truck, so we were hidden from the bonds office. He leaned in way too close, but I stepped back. He raised his eyebrow at me.

"Ranger, I have something to tell you…" At this moment his eyes focused on my left ring finger. I fought the irrational urge to hide the hand behind my back.

"Hmm. You _do _have something to tell me." He said, lifting my hand, inspecting the ring.

"Um, yeah. I'm kind of engaged. To Morelli." I took a few deep breaths. "And that's not all… I'm also kind of pregnant." Ranger raised his eyebrow again.

"Kind of pregnant?"

"Okay, I _am _pregnant. Definitely, completely pregnant." Wow. Saying it like that made it seem so… _real._

"Well congrats. To you and Morelli."

"Thanks." I said. We stood there in awkward silence for a minute before I said "Well, I should probably get back inside to Connie and Lula. I'll see you around." I walked back to the office, leaving Ranger alone outside.

"Shee-eet," said Lula, as I walked inside. "Be a cold day in hell before you ever see _me _walking away from Ranger." I sighed. Wasn't so long ago I thought the same thing. My phone buzzed in my pocket. Morelli.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. What's up?"

"Just calling to say I'll be home earlier than I thought. My murder case just solved its self. You want subs from Pino's for dinner?"

"Sure. How did it solve its self?"

"The guy boasted a little too loudly, and the right people heard. His prints match the ones CSU found at the scene, so we booked him, and got a confession. Easiest arrest I've ever made."

"Good for you. I'll see you tonight then."  
>"Yep. Love you."<br>"You too." I shut the phone and put it back in my pocket. Probably when I have the baby, there won't be any more Pino's subs for dinner. I'll have to cook. Pot roasts and chicken, cakes and biscuits… Oh God, I'll turn into my mother.

"I don't want to be my mother!" Lula and Connie looked up at me.

"I think I missed the first half of that conversation. What about your mother?" Lula asked.

"I was just thinking. I'm pregnant for crying out loud. And _engaged_! I'll have to cook." Lula and Connie looked at each other and didn't say a word. "What?" I asked.  
>"Well Steph… You can't cook. You live off donuts and fast food." Said Connie.<p>

"And I've seen your kitchen. You got bread and peanut butter. What're you gonna cook with that?" Asked Lula.  
>Damn it. They were right.<p>

"I guess I could ask my mum to teach me."

"Oh, I gotta be there to see the look on your mommas face when you ask her." Lula grabbed her bag and made for the door. "Come on, I'll drive you."

((-))

Ten minutes later we pulled up outside my parents' house. My mother was standing at the window, waiting for us. I had another small panic attack when I wondered if I would develop the sense of knowing when my child was about to arrive.

We marched inside, and there was already coffee cake and coffee on the table, waiting for us.

"Hey Mom, where is everyone?" I asked as we took a seat.

"Your father is at the lodge, and your grandmother is at the beauty parlor. She should be home soon." She looked at me warily. "You don't have any more surprise announcements, do you?"  
>"No Mom. I just wanted to ask you a favor." Her face brightened.<p>

"Oh. Well, ask away." Lula grinned.

"I was just wondering… If maybe… you could teach me to… cook. You know, cows and chickens and stuff." Lula looked like she was about to pop a vein trying not to laugh.

"Honey, of _course _I'll teach you to cook! We can do tonight's pot roast together." She beamed at me.

"Sure. Sounds fun."  
>"Looks like your staying then. I gotta get back and chase down some scum bags. Good luck!" Lula called as she left.<p>

"Right. Let's get to work!" Mom chirped.

Two hours in the kitchen later, and it was perfectly clear that I was no Julia Child. We had a burnt pot roast, rubbery beans, lumpy gravy, and watery mashed potato. No way was I staying for dinner. Dad was going to pitch a fit when he saw this. During the afternoon Dad and Grandma had arrived home, and had sat in front of the TV and fought over what they should watch.  
>Every time Grandma had tried to come into the kitchen, Mom had chased her out saying I needed to concentrate. Now they were both sitting at the table, waiting for my mom and me to bring out the food. I grabbed the pot roast, Mom had the beans and potatoes and I prepared myself to go into the dining room. Here goes nothing, I thought.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN:  
><strong>Hi everyone!  
>I'm so sorry I'm terrible at this!<br>I keep meaning to write, I swear, but life keeps getting in my way! :/  
>I love you all for reading and reviewing!<br>3


	12. Chapter 12

Silence.

We all had our plates loaded up with food, and no one was saying a word. Dad was poking at his potatoes, as if he was trying to discover the source of the water. Grandma was attempting to remove the lumps from her gravy. And Mom was cutting away the burnt parts from her meat. I looked down at my plate. Well hell. It looked alright to me. Could have been worse, I told myself. Don't know _how_, but it could have been. Dad finally took the first step and shoveled a forkful into his mouth. The rest of us stared at him, trying to gauge if it was safe to eat. He chewed quickly, then slower, and slower, until he swallowed, suppressing a shudder.  
>"You say you made this?" He asked me.<p>

"Yep."  
>"It's great." He smiled, and loaded up his fork. We all did the same, and took a mouthful. I almost spat mine back out. It was <em>terrible.<em> But there was Dad, dutifully eating every last thing on his plate. I could feel the lump in my throat. I excused myself and dashed up to the bathroom. I put the lid down, sat on the toilet, and cried. After about 30 seconds I heard a knock on the door. I wiped my eyes, and went and opened the door. My Mom walked in and gave me a hug.

"It's ok honey, it's ok." She soothed, rubbing my back.  
>"I d-don't even know why I'm c-crying," I sobbed. "Dad was s-so nice, he ate it, even though it tasted t-terrible!"<p>

"I know, I know." Mom walked me over and sat me down on the toilet seat again. "It's fine that you want to cry. It's normal Steph. Don't worry." She rubbed my shoulder. I took a huge shuddering breath.  
>"Yeah, I know. I just…" I sighed. "I'm ok now. Thanks Mom." I stood up and hugged her. "I'll be down in a minute." She smiled and left, shutting the door behind her.<p>

My mother and I had never been especially close, but that was nice. I smiled and looked at my stomach in the mirror. Who knows, maybe I'll be comforting my daughter like that one day. Or my son.

I washed my face and blew my nose, and went back downstairs. Dinner had been taken away, and dessert was on the table. I sat down and Mom cut me a big piece of pineapple upside down cake. I took a bite. That's more like it.

((-))

"So you really tried cooking." Morelli said.

"Yep." I said, making a popping noise on the _p._

"And it was really _that _bad."

"Yep." _Pop._

"Well… It's the thought that counts."

"Oh go ahead and laugh. You look like you're about to bust a vein." I said. It was true. Morelli's face was read with effort, and the veins on his neck were sticking out.

"No, no. I'm not laughing." He said.

"Liar." I muttered. "I'm going for a shower." I said loud enough for him to hear. I turned and walked up the stairs and as soon and I was out of sight, I heard Morelli burst out laughing. I stopped, gave a long suffering sigh, and continued walking up the stairs to the shower. At least he hadn't laughed in my face.

((-))

The next morning Morelli woke me up at the ungodly hour of seven am.  
>"Come on Steph. You have a doctor's appointment at eight this morning, seeing as we skipped the last one." I sat up and looked out the window. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I had a doctor's appointment in an hour and really bad bed hair. Damn, mornings start so <em>early.<em> I got out of bed (eventually) and showered quickly, putting on a floaty skirt and stretchy top. Morelli had coffee and toasted bagels waiting downstairs when I walked into the kitchen. I smiled. He was a god amongst men. Not that I would ever actually tell him that.  
>By the time we were seated in the doctor's waiting room, we were only 10 minutes late. This was pretty darn good, considering just before we left, Morelli's newly acquired dog, Bob, hacked up a sock in the living room. But the Doctor was running 20 minutes late anyway, so we were golden.<br>I couldn't sit still. I fidgeted nervously with a magazine, with the hem of my skirt, with my engagement ring, until Joe grabbed my hands and held them still, planting a kiss on my shoulder.  
>"Stephanie Plum?" The receptionist called out. "The Doctor will see you now."<br>We stood and walked up the hallway into the Doctor's office. Pictures of babies at various stages of development in the womb were plastered on the walls. I found the one depicting growth at 5 weeks. Yep. It looked like a sea monkey.  
>Joe was behind me, greeting the doctor and introducing me.<br>"Doctor Song, this is my fiancé, Steph." Morelli grinned. I shook the doctor's hand. She was a pleasant looking woman, with kind eyes and wild curly hair. I liked her immediately.  
>"So. How far along did you think you are, Steph?" She asked when we were all seated.<br>"Um, about 5 weeks? Maybe?" She asked a hundred questions, ticking the answers off on a clipboard, but eventually she reached the end of it.  
>"If you would just lie on this table, I'll start the ultrasound." She smiled, and walked away into an adjoining room. I lay down on the uncomfortable table, and Doctor Song came back out, wheeling a machine in front of her. Joe was standing next to me, holding my hand.<br>"Just pull up your shirt for me… Just like that, thanks. Now, this is going to be a little cold…" She said as she squirted jelly on the end of the ultrasound wand.  
>I squeezed Joe's hand as she started rubbing it over my stomach, and fuzzy black and white pictures started to show up on the screen.<br>"Okay…" Doctor Song was muttering to herself as much as to us. "There we go!" She exclaimed, pointing to a spot on the screen. "There's your baby." I looked, but all I could see was the picture equivalent of white noise. I snuck a sidelong glance at Joe, and knew he couldn't see it either. Damn.  
>"Er… That little black dot or the right? Or the white dot?" I asked, sure I must look like the worst mother ever. I couldn't even pick out my sea monkey in a fuzzy black and white picture.<br>"Don't worry, not many people can see it the first time round." She fiddled with some switches, and moved the wand around a little, and then it was there. A little black dot, totally identifiable in the mass of other, smaller dots. I knew Joe could see it too, when he squeezed my hand. Doctor Song was smiling.  
>"I'll print that out for you, will I?"<br>"Please." I said, half whispered. That was the sea monkey. _Our_sea monkey. An actual living thing. And it was in my stomach. Holy heck.

* * *

><p>Yay for crazily infrequent updates!<br>Please don't hate me.


End file.
